There are bad days. Like when your coffee machine decides to stop working and you're forced to navigate through a cloud of unvarnished sleep deprivation to get to work on time. Then there are bad days, like when you're just trying to process the news of Emperor Vespasian's death by diarrhea and the volcano in your backyard explodes, raining fiery ruin down upon you and everyone you've ever known, engulfing you in molten rock and forever freezing you in place with an expression of unknowable agony.