Few things are elusive as virality. The golden goose that keeps a skeezy marketer digging into his coke bag, promising free organic views, tweets, and acclaim. It's annoying and we're sick of brands trying to capitalize on it. 

There was a time where we all loved an absurd commercial and then Geico, Old Spice and hundreds of others drained that well. While I'd hardly make that case that we're more sophisticated than we were 4 years ago, we certainly are less susceptible to a well placed viral content campaign. Especially when it's as base, uninteresting, and half-assed as this. Which is what makes this effort from BitPay, a company that converts BitCoin and BitCoin Cash to dollars for retailers, that much more insulting and painful. 

The dumbass video was created by Crypto Finally, which bills itself as a source for Bitcoin Music videos? WTF? Their catalog includes "Because I Bought High", a "Because I Got High" parody which makes me equally as angry, and a video entitled "Now That's What I Call Crypto" that I refuse to click on. I can only imagine that these videos are funny and interesting to the ten people who made shitloads of money back when people were talking about cryptocurrency. 

I understand that by posting this to eBaum's World I'm doing exactly what they're probably hoping -- I'm giving them free publicity by writing a call out article, but I'm too angry to just let it go. So fuck it. I'm calling for a boycott. 

If you are a retailer who is looking for a solution to accept cryptocurrency, please consider these BitPay competitors: CoinGate, PayBear, and BlockOnomics. 

If you're still unsure if boycotting BitPay is all that necessary, I'll leave you with the lyrics to their attempt at virality. 

Momma freaks out, day after thanksgiving
Drags me to the mall, gotta get them sales
Christmas coming up, gotta catch them deals ‘heck I'm doing here?
I don’t use cash!
What century are we in?
Get with the program!
These shops are so outdated
Ever heard of crypto? I use bitcoin!
They don’t take cryptocurrency
They should take cryptocurrency
Excuse me sir; what currency will you take?
Its Bitpay
Bitpay
Gotta get with my Bitpay
Everyone’s adopting bitcoin, don’t be a weeirdo
Bitpay
Bitpay
They won’t accept my Bitpay
What’s the point of Black Friday sales fiat losers
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD
Try to get me to sell in the bear run
Once I'm at the mall, everything looks lame
I want an Orange Julius but it's all the same
FUD, FUD, think about FUD
You don’t even take XRP?
You keep it, just keep it
I don’t need your smoothie, no
But dang it looks so good I want it super bad, though
They don’t take cryptocurrency
They should take cryptocurrency
Excuse me sir; what currency will you take?
Its Bitpay
Bitpay
Gotta accept my Bitpay
Everyone’s adopting bitcoin don’t be a weeirdo
Bitpay
Bitpay
They won’t accept my Bitpay
What’s the point of black Friday sales fiat losers
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD
Try to get me to sell in the bear run
Please accept my Bitcoin
I don’t use no cash, no cash
Please please please take my Bitcoin, please take my Bitcoin
Your sales will go through the roof
Sooner or later you’re gonna have to
You’ll have to get with cryptocurrency
Bitpay
Bitpay
Gotta accept my Bitpay
Everyone’s adopting bitcoin don’t be a weeirdo
Bitpay
Bitpay
They won’t accept my Bitpay
What’s the point of black friday sales fiat losers
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
Robbing me, Robbing me, Yeah!
FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD
Try to get me to sell in the bear run